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07:03 pm
cdrodeffer
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/56923216/3367441) [Link] |
Clark's Syndicated Tweets
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
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08:06 am
heptadecagram
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/61058295/1122234) [Link] |
Two Videos and a Game
Allosaur on the loose at LA Museum of Natural History.
Japanese women do nothing but stare at you, for sale on DVD (for the hikikomori to learn not to be jittery around women).
Play pinball with Alice Cooper.
Tags: links
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07:53 am
number_12
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/9598047/1715573) [Link] |
Pass Time With Good Company
Hi all, it was good of everybody to come by on Sunday, Lisa had a wonderful time. Things are so different from last year, aren't they?
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lonebear, I couldn't find your flickr account, and I'm pretty sure that I'm spelling your name right when I do the search. How am I screwing this up?
In the meantime, here's a great idea for a flickr pool, looks like a robot.
Also, since I'm reduced to mining BoingBoing, here's a great follow-up to my Fiestoholism post, Fiest on Sesame Street. Yes this is for you, whimmydiddle.
Sorry to everyone we missed on Saturday, I guess we just tried to pack too much stuff into one day. But we did have a good time in Baltimore in the afternoon (and dinner afterwords).
Comic: A space comic... in space, yet another romp through science fiction cliches, but it's got an honest joke a day and a (poorly drawn) miltaristic chick holding a giant gun, so I love it.
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11:43 am
lj_spotlight
[ljspotlight]
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/76617680/9657791) [Link] |
07/21/08 Homepage Spotlight
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) thelifelist
A forum for exchanging lists of things you'd like to have done before you die.
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11:42 am
lj_spotlight
[ljspotlight]
[Link] |
07/21/08 Homepage Spotlight
ljsecret
Share a secret through the means of art, under complete anonymity.
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11:29 am
lj_spotlight
[ljspotlight]
[Link] |
07/21/08 Homepage Spotlight
mourning_souls
A community for cemetery photographers, dark poets and anyone else who appreciates and admires the beauty of cemeteries.
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09:32 pm
cdrodeffer
[Link] |
Thinking is also Good for Body & Soul
It's been an interesting day. I've been trying to get to the grocery store since Thursday, but stuff kept coming up and I didn't have a real window of opportunity until late this afternoon. I had a trunk load of cans to return for deposit (this is a big thing here in Michigan), and many of them were for Kroger, so that's where I had to go. Also, our pet bearded dragon was out of crickets, but with gas as high as it is, it made sense to try for one stop shopping. Now, the only Kroger in town that shares a parking lot with a pet store (the one where we happened to buy our dragon) is the second closest, not the first closest, but even so, it's not that far away. So I loaded up child the eldest and we went.
Like I said, there were lots of cans to return, two very large trash bags full of cans. At $0.10 each, it can quickly add up, but Kroger has a daily limit of $25 per person. Alas. Our returns totaled just over $34, and I didn't know what we'd do. So, as we were shopping, child the eldest recognized a family friend in the juice aisle and they started talking. This particular family, while very dear to us, has had to live on faith a bit more than their fair share lately. I know how it is, because we've been there too, and not really that long ago. Now, I've said before that if placing a bet between God's Hand and chance, I'll put my money on the former every time. In our tight times, God watched out for us, and in some way, He was watching out for them today. On the surface, it appeared to be our opportunity to be a small blessing, to be like Christ to some friends that we love like family. So not really thinking it through, I gave our friend some (about $10 worth) of the deposit receipts. It wasn't until later that I realized that I had failed a test.
Fast forward an hour or so. I took child the second on a walk. I meant not to take too long, because it was already 7:00 PM when we left, but you know how it is with me. I get to thinking, and my feet go off on autowalk, and pretty soon I'm six miles down the road with a thirty something pound toddler on my shoulders and sweating like a pig. So what was my failure at the store? Let's backtrack a bit and think about the nature of sin. Others have talked about sins of commission and sins of omission before, but the simple summary of all the theotalk is that (commission) doing anything that Jesus would not do is sin, and (omission) not doing anything that Jesus would do is sin. Everything else is gravy. My error was that this little bit of giving was not done out of love, but merely out of utility. What good is giving only from excess or abundance? What good is an offering without it being a sacrifice? I merely didn't want to see the extra $10 receipt go to waste. I was no better than a ticket scalper giving up after the concert has already started. The right thing to do would have been, at a bare minimum, to give the receipts totaling as close to $25 instead of just the excess. Better would have been to pay for their groceries entirely. Better still would have been going back through the store asking what they had left behind because they felt like they couldn't afford it this time around. But I was selfish, and I confess that as sin. I gave the t-shirt but kept the coat. I pray that I will do better next time, not relying on my own effort, but letting go to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I need to learn that. Plus, I need to be a better example to our children.
So I spent some time praying and confessing and wallowing in all that. As we walked along (or rather, as I walked along with child the second on my shoulders), we passed many empty houses. Not just houses with for sale signs out front, but empty, forlorn houses with tall weeds growing from driveway cracks and piles of waterlogged and sun faded newspapers. No doubt some of these houses had failed to sell after a large pharmaceutical company left town, and others had probably been foreclosed in the real estate downturn. We walked and walked as I thought and thought, exploring several of the streets roughly west of Platt as far as Colony between Packard on the south and Washtenaw on the north. I pointed out things, and child the second repeated what words he could pronounce. I'm happy that he's learning so many new words. As we were on our way back, I was encouraged and assured of my forgiveness in the same way that I've been experiencing that recently. Two whitetail does allowed us to approach to within about five feet. While they did not approach closer, they were also not afraid, and regarded our presence as welcome. They knew that we no longer had a quarrel with their Creator. The rest of the walk, child the second carried a fistful of Queen Anne's Lace he picked along the woods, slowly picking off bits of the flower and tossing them to the ground. And I was smiling. When we finally got home, I relayed all this to the missus, and she was her usual awesome, reassuring self. I love her so! And I have so much to learn.
The postscript is that my feet and legs are a little tired, but they're getting stronger, or so it seems. Thinking is, at least sometimes, also good for the body and soul.
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05:18 pm
gloomforge
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/65338199/13330107) [Link] |
The Tower of Gygax
It's been a busy month, compounded by a recent trip to the east coast. One of the things that has been keeping me busy is the Tower of Gygax - an event I'm coordinating at GenCon Indy 2008, one of many events honoring the memory of Gary Gygax. The goal is to have a continuous game of AD&D (first edition, the one with the efreet on the DMG and the jewel thieves on the PHB) running at GenCon - 80 hours straight. ( Read more... )
Current Location: Boulder, Colorado
Current Mood: dorky
Tags: gencon
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02:44 pm
evawhitley
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/53626769/1788323) [Link] |
I wonder how long these things hurt
I had been led to believe that just packing the socket would relieve the pain of dry socket but I'm still eating Tylenol every 4 hours and let me tell you, that last half hour is a killer. (I'm taking Tylenol because I take Celebrex for my knee pain but I'm wondering if I shouldn't stop the Celebrex in favor of some of my Motrin 800.)
I have an appointment tomorrow at 9 AM to get the packing out, and I'll certainly bring up the pain then (also, I'll be out of Vicodin, I have one left, saving it for tonight). I can still see the packing in the hole, so it's not that. I'm also wondering if there's an infection there that isn't being treated.
At least I was able to get some laughs, via nancylebov linking to http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ If you can look at the Mohawked babies riding giant frosting carrots without cracking a smile--well, you're made of sterner stuff than I am.
Current Mood:  cranky
Tags: dental, funny, pain
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11:47 pm
evawhitley
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/65410696/1788323) [Link] | Your result for Which Chess Piece are You Test?... The King's KnightCongrats! Only 5-7% of the population score this! 
The King’s Knight is spontaneous and active. They get great satisfaction from acting on impulse. This usually means thrill and risk can be quite exciting. If they are stifled by rules, they may end up feeling ‘dead’ inside. They look for the ‘tick’ behind the clock without the need for verbal cues. Oddly enough, this Knight deeply respects and admires anyone who can best them. The King's Knight is a 'do-er', naturally impatient with discussion. They seek to live in the moment and are great improvisers. Because of this they are quite capable at bringing ideas or concepts to fruition. They often prefer practical organizational issues. Because they seek to make things happen, they may act too quickly with the appearance of not thinking things through. They are the best at manipulating others. This usually means that they can convince others to a like-minded position and thus the King would love to have this Knight by their side. They are concrete with their form and speech and are seen as smooth operators. They could be seen as self-promoters and great salesmen of ideas. They are gifted at earning trust. But they are also gifted at applying common sense to any issue. They will maintain acute awareness of factual information during discussions and will guide tangents back on course. The King's Knight is outgoing, charming and fun. They know the 'who's who' and where the socially sophisticated reside and play. They are action oriented and deplore unnecessary diplomacy. They want life to be simple, but realize it isn't. Take Which Chess Piece are You Test? at HelloQuizzy
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12:31 am
kdsorceress
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/38901966/1707199) [Link] | OH MY GOD DOCTOR HORRIBLE!
Best thing ever?
Best thing ever.
WARNING: Katters did, without irony, exclaim "JOSS WHEDON IS AN ASSHOLE". This shocks no one, but OHMAN, is he a good asshole.
Alsoalso, do you think Neil Poon-HandlerPatrick Harris would have a threesome with me and The Katters? Because we will totally write to him and ask, even if he is *fabulously* gay.
That is all. Go watch.
~Sor
MOOP!
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11:23 pm
merseine0613
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/57436353/1166099) [Link] |
You must watch this - it is a moral imperative!
You've got between now and midnight Sunday. Go. Watch. Enjoy!
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10:22 pm
cdrodeffer
[Link] |
Skipping LoudTwitter for Once
You can tell that I'm relatively new to this whole Live Journal thing, but none of my Twittering from yesterday and about 80% from Wednesday was never syndicated. Alas. I'm not too confident that today's will come through, either, so I spent 5 minutes searching for the "Post" button. This is the result. Proceed with care.
Anyway, this has not been an easy week for me, but (mostly) in a different way than the previous couple of weeks. This week, while I've had some (but not all) of the good stuff (like regular and well-ordered prayer and meditation times, extended evening quality time with the kids (mostly one at a time), exercise, communing with nature, reconnecting with college roommates, fun social times with friends, and more wife snuggle time than in the past several months (a wee bit of ethanol before bed really works wonders for her)) that I've been seriously needing (yet lacking) recently, other struggles (such as several really heavy days at work (where I am already almost always both the first person to arive (usually at least an hour before anyone else) and the last to leave (sometimes more than two hours after the rest of the building is empty), where I wear too many hats and have to switch between them too frequently), depression about the future, brokenness about the current state of the world, and general feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness to fix everything that the engineer in me demands that I at least attempt to fix) have been occupying -- well, not really occupying, more like churning over and over in my mind like the concrete in a mixer truck, wanting to react, wanting to solidify, wanting to find a settled form, but being actively prevented from such by, well, let's just leave it by saying, "prevented by 'stuff.'" Ha! Ten points to the first person who can diagram that sentence.
So the summary for this evening and Wednesday is that, after the usual whole house cleanings, I took daughter the eldest on a couple of walks, which is not only much needed exercise for me, but important bonding time for us. Wednesday we walked to White Castle and TJ Maxx, played at the school playground, talked about school and friends, and sang children's songs. Tonight we walked to the neighborhood pool where our co-op was having a party (we did not swim, but listened to a good local band cover oldies), then made a couple of twisty laps through the neighborhood before she figured out how to lead us both home. After we got home from the walk, I played Pandemic with the missus. We lost (again), but we had a fun time with it anyway. We like it because it's a cooperative game, something where we can be challenged together instead of the usual against each other. Filling in the gap, Thursday evening we hosted role-playing at our home with some of the kindest, most wonderful friends we could ever hope to meet. It's good for our sanity and a blessing to our marriage to have met several such families, and we are eternally thankful for them.
And so, with that, I'll try to keep my mind on these things, the good things, and hopefully these good thoughts will displace the yucky "stuff" that keeps besetting me, and I'll get a good night's sleep. Hopefully.
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10:28 pm
heptadecagram
[Link] |
VeggiTale
Bob, is that you?
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07:13 pm
number_12
[Link] |
Foo
We'll be trying to attend the July birthdays party on Saturday night, but if anybody who can't make it to that wants to see us, Lisa's birthday dinner will be Sunday night 6-ish at the Olive Garden in Laurel. This year the theme is "keep the baby from crying". Nuff said.
Crossing my fingers that at least one part of my sister's trip out to CA doesn't end in tears, and that by some miracle ML refrains from sliming her during the visit to Dad's shrink. My sister is just not passive-agressive enough to deal with this crap.
Mopey puppets! Really just a link to a song I heard, only once on WTMD, and later located on this very interesting musically-oriented blog.
Comic: The author of Easy Skankin is your basic third-generation fangirl, there's already a few comics out there on this perspective (all of which I love), so this one concentrates on the skankin'. Necessary fictionalizations aside, this is a real person's life, and the frank viewpoint cuts away layers and explores others as only the young can.
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06:49 pm
kdsorceress
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/65941856/1707199) [Link] | [Sorcyress] STOP TAKING SCREENSHOTS!
[Sorcyress] I DO NOT LOVE THEM!
[Sorcyress] OR YOU!
[MadKatter] BUT I LIKE THE CLICKY NOI-- WHAT
[HarenaOfWoozalia] oooh, screenshots of whaaat?
[MadKatter] NO HOW COULD YOU
[MadKatter] AFTER YOU CHEATED ON ME WHILE I WAS IN THAT COMA WITH MIGUEL
[Sorcyress] ...
[HarenaOfWoozalia] :O
[HarenaOfWoozalia] how COULD you, Sor???
[Sorcyress] 'kay, I'm lying, I totally love you
[HarenaOfWoozalia] hee
[MadKatter] But then how could you have done the diddly with Miguel, Sor? How?
[HarenaOfWoozalia] not ... not the diddly!!
[Sorcyress] Very simple. He put his peener in my vajeener. VAJEENER!
[HarenaOfWoozalia] :O :O
[MadKatter] D:
[HarenaOfWoozalia]
[MadKatter] ...
[MadKatter] D:
[HarenaOfWoozalia] not.. his peener.. in your VAJEENER????
[Sorcyress] Disclaimer: He did not actually put his peener in my vajeener. My vajeener is, and always has been, peener free
[HarenaOfWoozalia] and rightly so. *nods*
[MadKatter] But.. but did he put it in your ear? Did you hear what his peener had to say?
[HarenaOfWoozalia] :O
[Sorcyress] ....
[Sorcyress] PEENERS DO NOT GO IN SOR!
[Sorcyress] SOR-HOLES ARE NOT FOR PEENERS!
[HarenaOfWoozalia] Sor... how COULD you let him put it in your EAR???
[Sorcyress] NONE OF THEM ARE!
[MadKatter] THERE'S NOTHIN' FOR 'EM THERE
[Sorcyress] Har: He didn't! Katters is making up lies because I won't let her have...the shirt
[HarenaOfWoozalia] ...
[MadKatter] I am doing no such thing! It was Miguel! Miguel lied to me!
[HarenaOfWoozalia] not.. THE SHIRT?
[HarenaOfWoozalia] Rtizy, i mean, honestly
[MadKatter] He ... he said you got him prognant with Jason's half-chicken-embreyois
[MadKatter] Hey
[MadKatter] I wasn't done
[Sorcyress] Miguel is a slut and a liar! He is a lying slut!
[HarenaOfWoozalia] with half-chicken-emberyois?
[HarenaOfWoozalia] i bet they's really good deep-fryed
[HarenaOfWoozalia] with cheese *nods*
[HarenaOfWoozalia] and bacon
[MadKatter] How was I supposed to know that interrobang?! I've been in a COMA
[HarenaOfWoozalia] and chocklit
[HarenaOfWoozalia] and whipped cream
[Sorcyress] ...*ressurects and/or uncomafies you?*
[HarenaOfWoozalia] and maple syrple
[MadKatter] You already did that, Sor! Don't you remember? Just before you got...
[HarenaOfWoozalia] *eyes get glazed look*
[MadKatter] AMNESIA
[MadKatter] DUN DUN DUNNN
[MadKatter] *credits*
(Edited to fix format)
Tags: whatejdklsmk
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02:03 pm
kdsorceress
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/45371692/1707199) [Link] | So, the Watchmen teaser trailer is online.
Part of me feels dirty for watching it, like I've somehow disturbed the purity of going into this movie with nothing, with no idea what's going to happen. I *love* going into movies like that.
But the rest of me? Kinda sorta glee, yep.
(And I find it *really* amusing that when I went to put the date into iCal, so I can remember it, it was already there. Hee, Sorcy = fandork.)
~Sor
MOOP!
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10:51 pm
kdsorceress
[Link] | Souh...
That Captain Horrible thing?
OHMYGOD, is it awesome. I just watched the first act three times and the second act twice (people kept walking into mine and OtherKat's room and we had to restart repeatedly.)
Go watch it.
In other things, Amanda is awesome and getting married, yay! I have finally met John, and he is *awesome*. Jake is still entertaining (although I have not succeeded in hugging him yet) I met the not-Amarthur Amanda, and she's cool. We met this kid Jason (Disclaimer, not actually a kid) who is pretty faboo.
So yeah, California is awesome. Havig six insane people in one room is *wonderful*
***
QotD: "Zangara? Sounds like a venereal disease!!" --the aforementioned Jason person.
~Sor
MOOP!
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07:10 am
news
[theljstaff]
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/77207032/13549668) [Link] |
Basic Accounts and X-Men
Account Structure Update
Back by popular demand, Basic Accounts will be available to all users again by the end of the (northern hemisphere) summer. More information on the decision-making process and proposals relating to the future of Basic Accounts are in lj_2008.
New Themes
Two attractive and all-new Flexible Squares themes, "Circular" and "Circular Brown" are now available.
L to R: Circular and Brown
New V-Gifts
Give someone you care about the gift of enticement. With the new Chocolate Ice Cream, Vanilla Ice Cream, Tea, Coffee, Curry and Sushi v-gifts, all the significant people in your life will be able to share in the longing for the tasty edibles below. Plus, it reminds loved ones you think they're really sweet, really savory or just plain satisfying.
L to R: Chocolate Ice Cream, Vanilla Ice Cream, Tea, Coffee, Curry and Sushi
Ж-Men...but not the ones you might expect!
This week LJ Russia launched Ж-Men, a new comedy series about superheroes, inspired by the LJ communities dedicated to superheros, comics and cartoons. The title's "Ж" comes from ЖЖ, the nickname for LiveJournal in Russia.
Ж-Men's script is written by a group of LJ enthusiasts who also happen to be television professionals. Who knew? Following the premiere, five more episodes will be broadcast over the next two weeks. We hope you find the series fresh and enjoyable.
This is, of course, an experiment for LiveJournal. As always, we'd love to hear what you think!
Current Mood: awake
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07:13 pm
cdrodeffer
[Link] |
Clark's Syndicated Tweets
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
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04:33 am
number_12
[Link] |
True Colors
Today ML showed her true colors by placing her needs and her pride before my Dad's health. My sister showed her true colors by still working to make things as good as possible for my Dad's well being in this imperfect situation, despite having insult after insult heaped on her by this woman. A certain pompous widow is never getting sympathy from me again, she's getting a shock if she ever has the nerve to come whining.
In other news, I finally learned today, via explorations from this web page why russian rockets always have open framework between the stages of their rockets. Not to spoil it for those of you who I know will really enjoy clicking on that link, but it's so they can light the upper stages while they are still attached to the first stage, with the first stage still firing, because that makes it possible to get away with using (much simpler) gravity/accelleration-fed fuel tanks on the second stage. D'oh! Anyhow, the same web site has this, and lots of other cool stuff, I think I might have recommended it before.
In webcomics, Gisele is taking a shot at an updated interpretation of "Three's company" with Menage-a-3, not exactly a great gift to literature but at least it's free of T's labyrinthine writing and it's more of Gisele's smoking hot art.
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01:44 am
kdsorceress
[Link] | I'm off to California tomorrow afternoon, and I need to pack my computer.
So..uh...yeah. I will be maintaining radio silence until the 25th or so. And by silence, I mean "whatever", just don't *expect* posts or nothin'.
Be good, y'all. That's an order.
~Sor
MOOP!
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07:08 pm
cdrodeffer
[Link] |
Clark's Syndicated Tweets
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
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10:54 pm
kdsorceress
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/38902150/1707199) [Link] |
For Her. The only one that matters, really.
I wrote this several months ago, near the beginning of February.
Trawling through my livejournal the other night reminded me that I'd never gotten around to editing and posting it.
I still haven't edited. But at least I can post.
***
"For Her. The only one that matters, really."
You never realized how jealous I was.
I hide it with a flippant air, cultivating my inner weirdness. "Oh, I don't care about fashion, about make-up, about hair" I say to you, while secretly desperate for your know how, wishing that -just once- I could be the pretty one instead.
I mocked you because I knew I wasn't able to be you. Why settle for second when you can just tease first? I built myself into who I was because I never wanted to be bad at anything. I'm too lazy to be beautiful, so I had to settle for eccentric.
Besides, even if I was pretty, even *when* I was pretty, it never felt like me. Or maybe the problem was that it felt too much like me --strip away my masks, strip away my layers of boy's jeans and baggy t-shirts, my defenses of messy hair and no make-up, and what am I? I can't hide behind the image of a tomboy I'd so carefully cut out --no, I had to be a girl, I had to be real. I had to be me.
And when I was me, I had to find new ways to hide. I had to wring my hands when no one was looking, stumble because of nervousness, take deep breaths to force away the stage fright. All the while watching you smile and wave, queen of a court I was barely on the fringes on. Your confidence drew people to you, that and your truly stunning beauty.
(Though of course, what use is beauty if you don't have the self-image to back it up? You *always* had that self-image, you were damn fine, and damned if you didn't know it. Sexiness isn't looking good in a low cut top. It's *knowing* you look good in a low cut top. You *always* knew.)
I suppose I could've handled it better if you were just pretty. If you were just pretty, you would've been one of them, the ones I mock *without* any underlying jealousy, bubble-headed cheerleaders --you know the type. Everyone knows the type.
But no, you had to ruin it. You had to be smart, all the way from *elementary* school, when there only was one smart kid class, of course you were in it. You and I, we took all the same classes, all the way through middle and high, we shared nearly every teacher, if not in the same semester, in the same year.
And you always did better. You were better at getting the homework done, and better at learning the concepts, and better at doing the silly little quizzes, and always just *better*. I'm not nearly as smart as everyone thinks I am, I just look like I ought to be. You can be a dumb geek, you know? (You never were. Never. Dumb or a geek, really.)
You're still so much better than me at school. Fuck that we're 450 miles apart, at two wildly different schools. You're better at getting your homework done on time, and at taking real classes. Hell, I'd eat my hat in shock if I learned you got anything less than a 'C' last semester. What'd you get again, Kat? A 'D' in the easiest course on your list? Yeah, that's what I thought. You sure are doing a great job with that college education of yours, aren't you?
***
You never realized how protective I was.
I would've fought him, will fight anyone, who tries to hurt you. I did fight her, the day she called you a slut. It helps that I stopped caring about her years before, but she still claimed to be our friend. Not even friends may call you names. Certainly not in front of me.
Of course, what do I do when I'm the one hurting you? I'm so wrapped up in my own unimportant dramas that I haven't even noticed yours. I haven't noticed that you hurt, Hurt, HURT.
(And how much is my fault? More than I'd like to know, I'm sure)
I spent so much time behind my walls that I forgot that I'm not the only person in the world who knows how to make masks. I've never been able to go past face value, I'm not strong enough to push people. "How are you?" "fine" "Okay." Maybe I just trust people too much.
Maybe I'm just unable to read people well enough. I try and try, but really, how good am I at making people feel better about themselves? Apparently not enough -and it will never be enough- because I've made you feel worse, and that breaks my heart. That *hurts*.
I'll die protecting you, if that's what it takes (though of course I hope it's not.) But what can I do to myself? How do you fight your own self when you've messed up? How do you punish yourself for hurting someone who Matters?
You Matter. You always have. Always will, I suspect.
You're everything I wanted to be, Veronica. I'm just sorry I've never been strong enough to make it mutual.
Me.
MOOP!
(((And she cries, and cries, though she knows all the tears in the world won't make up for the past.)))
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01:24 am
kdsorceress
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/41387361/1707199) [Link] | Yeah, I really do intend to write about my life, and to put up an Origins and Daycamp report.
And I really do intend to write those essays, the one on submission and submissiveness, and the one on collars, and the one on shaving.
And hell, to some small extent, I really truly intend to work on those stories that used to come so easily to me.
Unfortunately, my life is a touch insane at the moment. Once I start getting moments to my goddamn self, (By which I mean, get the fuck *out* of my house people, I need some solitude1) I'll probably start journalling like a journalfiend again.
Of course, in the immediate future, I have work, then California. Then perhaps hanging out with Blue Canary. And then almost certainly work. And hmm, maybe between work and Otakon there will be brainspaceing, but I find that slightly doubtful.
Christ *damn* this entry is bitter. And whiny. And, as with all things, something that I can fix if I weren't lazy --I have a room, it has a door, the door has a lock. I do not have to hang out with anyone, no, not even Veronica. Just because there are people in the house does not mean I need to communicate with them. Or really, pay them any mind at all.
At any rate, it's about one thirty on a Monday night, I'm *about* to start my period (and therefore at my most irrationally emo --though my brain, in all its helpfulness, pointed out that maybe when I'm in this sort of emo, it's the only time I see myself in any sort of honest way. You know...fucked up and irresponsible. Thanks brain. I love hearing that from you. Whore.
...Yes I call my brain a whore. Only when it deserves it.)
***
I have to finish cleaning my room. I have to pack. I have to mail the letters to Lauren and Emily that I wrote, and I need to finish writing that other letter that I got frustrated with2 and stopped in the middle. I should e-mail that one girl and write to my little sister.
I have to work for nine hours tomorrow. I ought to watch Buffy with Veronica --you know, like a good friend would. (Oh, and brain, have I ever mentioned just how *thrilled* I am with you whenever you pull the 'good friend' card? Yeah, fuck you. Guilt tripping me into spending time with people I care about isn't actually good for anyone involved. Let me spend time with them at my own pace, maybe, good friend-ness be damned. Aren't you the one that maintains that I should give a shit about my brainspace over others *anyways*?
No, that's me. Your brain usually tries to convince you that you're not stupidly selfless enough, and that you ought to feel like a horrible human being for not being so.
...Oh thank you, Gabriel. That makes my life seem so much better.
No problem.
ANYWAYS, this entry is both erratically behind and before the walls, AND either way it's stupid-bitter, and probably going to get me into trouble with people I really do give a shit about, like, say, Veronica. So I'm going to post it, thereby ruining my life now, and run off to California until the majority of the "Zohmgar, Sorcy hates meeee" shitstorm has blown over. Ta.
(In all seriousness, I do apologize. I like you people. I like all of you, and I like spending time with you guys. I'm just an introvert, 'kay? I don't do well with being constantly 'on', I get all nasty. Unfortunately, what with one thing or another, I haven't really gotten a day off of late. Soyeah. I'm sorry for being a heinous bitch. I won't let you seeit happen again.)
~Sor
MOOP!
1: *sighs*. No, I don't mean you. Or you. Or you. Honestly, even if you all *did* leave, I'm sure my mother could guilt me into non-cave based activity anyways.
2: With my livejournal, I just assume you ignore it if it's boring. With a letter, I feel guilty about taking up your time like that and get more confused and depressed. I'm *really* shit at writing letters.
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